“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer…It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, GAY, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.”

Barack Obama shone a powerful light on gays and lesbians when he said those words in his acceptance speech last night. I woke up last night and had to pinch myself to remind myself that it was true that we elected Obama as President. I was too giddy to sleep.

Then I heard the news that California’s Proposition 8–the repeal of legal gay marraige–passed, and the joy I felt last night–which I knew couldn’t last for long–is today mixed with hurt and sadness and anger.

To be claimed as part of the fabric of America one moment and the next moment torn out of that same fabric–this is the painful schizophrenia of being gay in America.

I’m not as worried about the outcome of today’s election as I probably should be. Instead, I’m focused today on the next four years. A lot can happen over four years, even more over eight. I’ve got the scars from the past eight years to prove it. When I was young and single and basically penniless, a presidential election seemed more of a philosophical issue to me: I cared passionately about the politics, but didn’t feel a direct impact on my life by the particular person who held the office of president.

Well, I’ve got a lot more to lose now that I’m raising a family. And on this election day, I understand that it’s not just the person holding the office whose choices make a difference in my life, it’s all the people who surround the president–people appointed by the president or friends of the president or people who have got the president’s ear. Those are the people who have made decisions over the past eight years that have affected my family, and although the faces will change, it will be the same group of people who will make decisions that affect my family for the next four years. Those are the people I’m not voting for and whose influence worries me. Those are the people who I will have a hard time pointing a finger at when things go wrong.

So, even though I’m as excited as anyone about this presidential election, and I’m pretty sure that my pick will prevail, I must admit, I’m anxious about the next four years no matter who is in office.